Teaching Your Child How to Use the Potty

I have been a big fan of Big Little Feelings ever since our algorithms collided on Instagram a few years back. From them I learned how to deal with my child's big feelings and understood why they happen. With that I began to unlearn a lot of the ways of how I was parented, which eventually ended up being me reparenting myself while learning how to parent my child. So when they shared that they have done a potty training/learning course, I didn't have to think twice about purchasing it, since I witnessed all the success from their first course, Winning the Toddler Stage.

I purchased the Potty Training Made Simple course when it first came out, my second child had only turned one, but there was an offer on it and eventually this kid will need to learn! For our first child, we just went with whatever daycare told us to do, and that process took over a year. So we ended up spending a lot of money on pull-ups, and mentally it felt really taxing because it took this long. So I was desperate to try a different approach with the second child.

10 Things to Decide Before Teaching Your Child How to Use the Potty

1. Age of the child: The course recommends you teach your child to use the potty between the ages of 20 and 30 months. For us, our second child was 22 months when we taught them how to use the potty, even though they were ready when they were younger, but their health issues made us wait till after they had their surgery. 

2. Date to start: You need to clear out three days from your schedule. Big Little Feelings’ Instagram promotes the course more right before a three day weekend. It makes sense for full-time working parents. But my job as a doula does give me flexibility, but I didn't really put enough thought into it and decided to teach my kid over the President’s Day long weekend. We could have done it on any weekend and kept the child training at home for day three, and only sent the older sibling to daycare to make things easier for us. Of course choose any three days that work best for your family’s schedule. 

3. The potty to use: The Potty Training Made Simple course links a few products that they recommend. We used the BabyBjörn potty, purchased on Amazon. I actually bought two different brands, and sat my child on each to see which one fits better for them. So if you are able to purchase then return, I recommend finding the best one that fits your child by sitting them on it, clothed of course! 

4. Role of each partner: If you have a partner(s) or if there are other caregivers involved, discuss the role of each person before. Who will be watching the child if they pee or poop? Who will be playing with the sibling(s)? Who will clean up the potty? Who will clean up the accidents? Who will prepare the meals? You can avoid arguments and adult tantrums when you divide the roles clearly ahead of time.

5. How to clean the potty: And your child! If you have success with getting pee or poop in the potty, you will need to clean that up, and clean your child. Decide how you will do it. Do you wipe the child? Will you wash the child after poops? Do you wash the child's hands after? After dumping the pee/poop in the toilet, how will you wash the potty? Where will you wash the potty? Which soap or cleaning product will you use? I would personally avoid the sink just to keep things sanitary.

6. How to clean the accidents: Also your child! You will have quite a few accidents! Decide how you will clean them up, and get the products ready and close by. We used clorox wipes, and paper towels. If you have a water vacuum, like Bissell, the one used for pet messes, can be a great option too, especially if you have carpet. As for the child, we found it easier to put them in the bathtub and wash them there, especially for the naked phase.

7. Meals for the three days: Planning ahead of time saves you the headache, really, and choose meals that are easy to set up and easy to clean up after, ask friends or family if you can, stock up on Trader Joe’s frozen mac ’n’ cheese if you need to! The important thing, do not offer anything with tiny little pieces that can be thrown on the floor and you end up cleaning for a whole hour after dinner. I made the mistake of serving spaghetti meatballs with shredded cheese on day one. Can you guess how that went?

8. Activities for sibling(s): If there is an older sibling, arrange for them a special activity preferably out of the house, a playdate or call friends, family members to come over and play with them. Getting them out of the house helps you focus on the child learning to use the potty without dividing the attention. For us, our older child noticed the attention we were giving the second child, so they decided to pee on themselves just for the attention! If you have younger kids or a newborn, that may be easier to navigate, but if you are able to get extra help to look after the younger ones, go for it.

9. Who will be your support people: This is so important, especially if you are a single parent. Teaching a child how to use the potty is stressful on the mind and on the body, especially if you have health issues like me. Think of who you will call or message when things get hard. Think of who you want and can be there physically to support you from your friends and family. If it is accessible to you, you can hire a nanny or a cleaning person, or even a doula for the support.

10 . How to support your mental health: You need to understand that this is going to be hard. You need to prepare yourself to push through the constant watching and witnessing of all those accidents, especially the first part of day one. The first part of day one was the hardest for us, because the kid didn’t understand that they could hold pee, and so they would trickle pee whenever, especially when they squatted. If you have chronic pain like me, know that you will ache from bending over, carrying the child to the potty or bathtub, and from sitting down on the floor. You will need to keep your child entertained with a puzzle or a book while they do their business on the potty, and you have to be patient, because they will be on it for a while, it is not, sit, pee, up and go. All of that will be exhausting. Know that you will want to stop and give up, but keep the 3Cs Deena and Kristin share in their course, be confident, consistent, and calm. And at any moment of weakness, remind yourself of the reward you will receive at the end, no more changing diapers!